1. An Evening Dedicated to Showing Her a Movie
One of my personal favorites. Find out her favorite movie or movies. Be sure to choose the overly sentimental ones that will leave her sensitive and exposed.  Veterans of this method know that “The Notebook” or “The Princess Bride” will give them plenty of opportunities to swoop on their prey later in the evening. One-uppers will top tthis one off by buying cheap wine (she won’t know, trust me) and cheese to eat while she’s crying on your shoulder. Next step… bedroom. Flawless victory.

2. Do Nothing, For Free
This one actually requires a bit of planning. Typically you’ll need to begin few weeks ahead and start dropping hints such as “Valentines Day is so lame, it’s just a holiday created by big business to force us into buying useless things for each others, I love you all year baby.” That one really works for the more politically minded, activist, plant eating type. However, experienced males will plan months in advance some elaborate scenario in which a close relative’s health is deteriorating and it just so happens, the night before Valentines day the said relative’s health will abruptly become critical—she’ll feel bad and now you’re off the hook. Feel free to be differ in your devious plan. The more details the better.

3. Take A Walk
This one will require some work, although minimal. If effort is not on your agenda for Valentines day I recommend you skip to the point #5. If you happen to live by a park, perhaps even a state park, or just know of a close (make sure it’s close, driving costs times and gas) scenic walking route, take her along your “romantic walk of love”. TIP: Plucking your neighbors flowers as a gift will  help minimize any type of doubts she may be having. Classily trained slack-daters will know to perform this during sunset.

4. Go Shopping to Pick Out Items You’ll “Buy” at a made up time
This should only be used in extreme last minute emergencies. Not only will it require effort including waiting on her while she’s shopping, dealing with crowds, and being around the tools who over-do it on Valentines day. Remember you’ll eventually need to come up with a reason as to why these items never came. Be sure of this: she will not forget about your offer to purchase anything for her, therefor extensive post-planning and strategizing will be required. Again this should be only be used as a last ditch situation, and use caution.  

5. Explain That You Have A Amazing Trip or Day Out… Another Time.
Widely used and a big favorite, including mine. Most females have yet to catch onto this simple cost and time saving method. On the days leading up to Valentines start casually mentioning how crowed all the hot spots will be and if you were just to wait a few days (or weeks) you’ll take her somewhere special, make this somewhere you would have never gotten into during Valentines day. What makes this method the greatest is that you have to take her out anyways, now and then so the next time you do just say it was the Valentines Day plan. Two birds, one stone.

No matter what, YOU STILL MUST GET A VALENTINES DAY CARD.